Why You Can’t “Just Relax”: Understanding Anxiety & Panic Through Neuroscience

Have you ever tried to relax (or calm down, or stop overthinking) only to feel more upset afterwards? If so, I want you to know this first: Your anxiety is not your fault. It is not because you lack willpower, positivity, or try hard enough. Anxiety is a response from your nervous system, not a flaw in your thinking. And when you understand what your brain and body are trying to do, things start to make sense.

So today I wanted to explain why anxiety:

·       Feels physical and hard to control

·       Often gets worse at night

·       Can cause panic to suddenly arise

·       Includes obsessive thoughts you can’t “turn off.”

·       Understanding Anxiety: Why You Can’t “JUST Relax.”

·       Your anxiety starts in your body, not your logic.

When your brain perceives danger (even if it’s not real), it turns on the sympathetic nervous system (AKA fight-or-flight response) BEFORE you even know what’s happening.

Which is why anxiety can feel like:

·       Tightness or pressure in the chest

·       Shallow breathing

·       Racing heart

·       Nausea or feeling dizzy

·       Muscle tension

·       Feeling constantly on edge

Your body is doing everything it can to keep you safe, even when there’s no clear danger. When you hear someone say, “Just relax,” your nervous system hears: ‘Ignore your alarm until you know it’s safe.” And that’s not how the nervous system works. Relaxation is the nervous system’s response AFTER you feel safe, not before. How to Stop Panic Attacks Before They Happen. Do panic attacks just creep up on you? Most of the time, they don’t. 

THEY DON’T JUST HAPPEN OUT OF NOWHERE.

Panic attacks are often preceded by subtle signs that we either don’t recognize or know how to handle. Listen for these common early warning signs:

·      Restlessness

·      Tightness in the chest/throat

·      Shallow breathing

·      Feeling spaced out or “not real.”

·      Thinking too fast or racing thoughts

·      Need for reassurance (“I can’t do this, I need help”)

Early signs of panic can be subdued with simple practices that encourage calm:

Regulate your breathing first. Slowing your breath sends a signal to your Vagus-Nerve that it’s time to calm down.

Inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 6-8 seconds. Longer exhales let your body know it’s okay to relax.

Ground your senses.

Name five things you can see, four things you can feel, and three things you hear. This practice encourages the brain to focus on the present.

Remind your body that it’s safe.

Say out loud or in your head: I am safe. I can handle this. These feelings will pass. Anxiety at Night: 3 Things to Try When You Can’t Sleep. Why does anxiety often get worse when we try to sleep? It’s because when we lie down to rest, we:

·      Turn off distractions

·      Allow the nervous system to relax

·      Allow stored-up tension to rise

·      Openly scan for any threats that weren’t dealt with during the day

So, if you spent all day with your guards up, your body doesn’t magically know how to settle at night.

Try this…

Develop a regular wind-down routine. The more consistent you are, the more your body learns to recognize when it’s time to relax. Practice calming exercises that originate in the body. Try stretching, applying warmth, or doing slow movements. Ground yourself BEFORE jumping into bed.

Do something to help your body relax before you lie down. Then, allow your body to fall asleep rather than forcing it. Wishing Yourself to Sleep Won’t Make It Happen. You can’t “turn off your thoughts.” I know it feels like when you want to stop thinking, you just can’t.

But here’s the thing…

·      Racing thoughts are your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe.

·      Your brain wants to:

·      Anticipate threat

·      Avoid mistakes

When you are experiencing anxiety, your brain never takes its “guard down”. Therefore, when you try to force your thoughts to be quiet, they rebel, and they’ll keep revolting until your nervous system settles down. THE NERVEUS SYSTEM calms FIRST, and the mind will follow. Remember, anxiety is your body’s warning signal. It’s not something to fear or fight. By listening to and supporting your nervous system, you can learn to feel safe again. Need Support with Anxiety? You Can Find the Help You Need.

At The Conversation Location, PLLC. We offer trauma-informed, nervous-system-focused mental health counseling to individuals, couples, and families. Our clinicians speak:

·      English

·      Spanish

·      German

And specialize in working with clients on issues such as:

·      Anxiety & Panic Attacks

·      Trauma & Stress-related Disorders

·      Nervous System Dysregulation

·      Relationship Concerns

·      Life-Transition difficulties

Please feel free to reach out if you’re interested in support or have any questions.

Contact us

TCL office number: 910 853-0009

FAX number 8338451846

info@conversationlocation.com